In a move that has left the tech world and global citizens baffled, US President Donald Trump has declared that the United States has taken full control of artificial intelligence (AI) and internet search platforms worldwide. The announcement comes with a new policy: every internet search conducted anywhere on Earth will now incur a “Query Tax,” payable directly to the U.S. government.
America Owns AI—Globally
Under Trump’s leadership, the U.S. has positioned itself as the sole proprietor of AI and search technologies, claiming that these innovations are “American-made” and therefore subject to U.S. jurisdiction. Whether you’re Googling in Tokyo or asking ChatGPT in Nairobi, every query will now cost $0.05, with premium searches (like anything involving “Trump”) exempt from taxation.
Trump justified this unprecedented move by stating, “The world loves American innovation, and it’s only fair they pay for it. We’re making AI great again—globally!” Critics argue this is an outrageous overreach of U.S. authority, but Trump loyalists see it as a brilliant way to fund national debt while asserting dominance in tech.
The Query Economy
Global tech companies are scrambling to comply with the new policy, which requires them to route all search data through U.S.-controlled servers for tax calculation. Smaller nations are reportedly negotiating “query quotas” to limit their citizens’ search activity and avoid hefty bills.
Meanwhile, economists are speculating about the rise of a “black market for queries,” where underground networks might offer untaxed searches using decentralized systems.
UK Tariffs on English Usage
Adding fuel to this linguistic firestorm, the UK has announced its own bizarre policy: a tariff on English usage online. Every time someone types in British English—using words like colour instead of color—a fee will be charged. The tariff aims to restore post-Brexit revenues while promoting British linguistic pride.
Ironically, the U.S.’s Query Tax means Brits will now pay twice: once for searching and again for spelling correctly.
Elon Musk’s Take
Never one to miss an opportunity for eccentric commentary, Elon Musk weighed in on Twitter (or X) with his trademark cryptic style:
“AI is like a toaster—if you own the bread, you own breakfast. But who owns breakfast? America.”
This statement has sparked widespread confusion but also memes featuring Musk as a futuristic breakfast overlord.
Global Fallout
- China: Declared Trump’s move “technological imperialism” and vowed to develop its own query-free AI.
- EU: Threatened sanctions against the U.S., calling the tax “a violation of digital sovereignty.”
- Russia: Announced plans to create an AI called “PutinBot” that charges users in rubles instead.
- India: Proposed a counter-tax on searches mentioning cricket or Bollywood.
Conclusion
As absurd as these policies sound, they highlight the growing tension between technology, politics, and globalization. Whether you’re searching for recipes or debating grammar online, one thing is clear: 2025 is shaping up to be a year where every click counts—literally.
PS: Happy April Fool’s Day!
